plz talk dirty to me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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