This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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