I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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