i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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