if only i could text you this smell
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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