Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
