she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
