so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
