and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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