I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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