I met the friendliest cop last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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