dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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