If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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