So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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