So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
