She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
