Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
