Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
