hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
