I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
where are my eyebrows?
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