I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
