I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
