Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
