Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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