im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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