there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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