p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
