hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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