BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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