The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
