there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
