The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
