People in love make me want to vomit
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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