I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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