First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize