it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
