i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
