Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
