Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them

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(716): View more from New York

can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.

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(936): View more from Texas

the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"

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(519): View more from Ontario

Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

This is the high leading the old right now

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(907): View more from Alaska

It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.

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(325): View more from Texas

I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.

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