T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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