just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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