She's JV to your varsity
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
