bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm always down for nudity.
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