I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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