I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
