after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
