tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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