You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
