So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
