this just has baby written all over it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize