I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We need a shit load of segways right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
