If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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