Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
