I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
