Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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