There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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