2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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