Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
