Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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