She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she peed on how many people?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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