and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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