It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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