Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im part way to drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
