i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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