just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
