Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You left your phone here
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