You're my little dorito
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
