Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
